yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
