She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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