well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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