Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
