FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
