so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
