i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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