I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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