i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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