how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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