I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I would fuck him just for his dog
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
