so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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