The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
