Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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