The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
