So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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