I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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