I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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