Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
