Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
