____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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