Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
