I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
