This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He did a backflip because drugs
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