It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
