I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
