If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
