I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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