i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
