Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
