Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well I just put wine in my tea
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
false alarm, still single
Randomize
