I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
