Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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