Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
