They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
