her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
