i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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