I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
