Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
