Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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