if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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