you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
