I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
