The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
