The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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