I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
