Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
