Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
