You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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