No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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