just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
