Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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