idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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