got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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