You're so nebulous sometimes
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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